New Age Amazon

So, sometimes, when I’m avoiding writing an article bored, I’ll check out the games section on Adult Swim.com.  And you know, they’ve got some stuff that is twisted and awesome (Mr. Mullet opens up with a little guy saying “They killed my wife and kids…time to get some new hair!”).  But never before have they done something that blows my mind quite as much as this:

Meowcenaries.

The point of the game?  You control a team of four adorable kitty-cats who are also trained killers…er, sorry.  Killahs.  You have to fight your way through the BadKatz and rescue President TeenieToes.

Yes.  This is pretty awesome.

I LOSTED MAH GUN!

Eeeee!

So, yeah, Varius and I spent an embarrassing amount of time on IM yesterday discovering this game.  And we were both pretty happy with the fact that all of your instructions are in appropriate kitty-speak:

The fact that your team and the BadKatz are so darn cute when they’re shooting/getting blowed up:

Oh, and if you leave your kitties for too long?  Well, they’re kitties.  They’ll do kitty stuff!

Oh, and do I even have to mention that you collect hamburgers for bonus points?  I didn’t think so.

Anyway, yeah.  Go play Meowcenaries.  Because you will be cooing and lol-ing while shooting other kitties in the head.  Also: their spawn points are cat carriers.

So, I’ll admit: I’m a fan of the incredibly dark final season of Moral Orel currently being shown on Adult Swim.  While I was never too into the show before, the final season has given me disturbing flashback episodes and literal bloodbaths.

But last night’s episode, “Closeface,” was actually touching.  The plot revolved around Orel’s first arm’s length dance and his lingering crush on Christine, or as Reverand Putty puts it “Orel-ette.”  It also flashes back to Stephanie’s experiences with the same dance and what was apparently the beginning of her realization that she is a lesbian.

What’s even better for me?  The whole story is Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” from the other girl’s potential POV.

Katy Perry’s catchy song would be great if it weren’t for the fact that the lyrics are pretty damned insulting.  Not just about how she’s basically only kissing girls for attention (“I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it?”  How…coy) but about how she doesn’t really care what the other girl involved thinks.  The whole thing is about how titilated she is at doing something that she says “good girls” don’t do.  “Not how they should behave…”

In this case, we see that the other girl involved could genuinely be invested in kissing other girls.  Kissing them sincerely, kissing them for real because there’s actual emotion there.  And how hurt a girl might be when/if she finds out that the person she’s kissing is just using her as “an experimental game.”

Kim, in the episode, is the Katy Perry.  She’s kissing Stephanie over and over again, but only when other people can see, only to get attention.  And Stephanie truly believes that there’s something there, she doesn’t understand that girls might only want to kiss her as rebellion or attention grabbing.  Which means the story transcends gender…it actually becomes a story for anyone who’s been used by someone to get another person’s attention.

The episode contains a song that Stephanie supposedly wrote for Kim about their kissing, titled “Closeface.”  I sincerely hope Katy Perry never covers it.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m sure Katy Perry is a nice enough girl in real life and out of the character she puts on for the crowd.  Every fan encounter I’ve heard with her has been gushing about how she’s a sweetheart.  And hey, Travis McCoy likes her.  And so does his band.  And I might like her too, if she’d drop the “anything for attention” persona and stop making that shocked “OH MY GOD!  I JUST, LIKE, BLINKED!  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?  A GIRL LIKE ME, BLINKING!  SCAAAAANDALOUS!” face.

But that doesn’t mean I’m all sunshine and roses about a song that’s got a message of “there’s no such thing as bisexuality,” and kind of a rude follow-up to “Ur So Gay.”  Keep in mind “Ur So Gay” is supposed Katy’s anthem about how “It’s so hard to tell if guys really like girls or not these days!”

Well, Katy, did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, doing a song encouraging straight girls to kiss other girls in bars because it’s, like, TOTALLY not gay or anything, it’s just, like, FUN!, might cause some lesbian or bi girls some confusion?  Or do we just not count ‘cause we’re likely all experimenting until we meet the right guy to give us a “Good deep dicking? (TM)”

Thanks for that.