New Age Amazon

In my life I’ve gone through periods of musical monogamy (staying true to just one band/label/genre/album).

I’ve also been musically promiscuous (I will listen to ANYTHING, baby, just try me).

But in the past few months something has slowly been happening.  I’ve been going through longer and longer periods of silence.  Music was just a thing I put on sometimes to avoid talking to people on the bus.  And eventually, it just got easier for me to keep my headphones in but without playing anything.

And just recently it occurred to me: I don’t want music anymore.

I’ll still listen to it, if it happens to be on.  I’ll still make attempts to enjoy it.  But it doesn’t matter who/what/when, I just CAN’T. 

I can’t deal with this.

I’ve broken up with bands before for a number of reasons.  Sometimes we just outgrow each other (that’s really the album you wanted to make?  Okay, if you say so…).  Sometimes they’re just not who they claimed to be when we first met (commentary here withheld).  In at least one case I realized I wasn’t ready to share them (Look, I don’t hold any illusions about a band being monogamous with me, but it does hit a point where there’s too many people involved in our relationship).  And, yeah, sometimes there’s problems in bed (Your live show is awful and we are through).

Sometimes those bands would come back with the musical equivalent of flowers and candy and apologize and I’d take them back, other times I just have to remember the good stuff.  But never before has music itself meant absolutely nothing to me.

I’m scared.